Images of September 11

Last night I attended a seminar at CASE - Religion, terror & film: reflections on 9/11. I found it absolutely fascinating and intellectually stimulating, so I thought I should share some notes on it. Greg Clarke spoke first, giving some theological thoughts on images.

Greg discussed the conflicting attitudes to images throughout the history of Christianity and Christian thought. From the Old Testament commands against making graven images to the use of symbolism of the early church – particularly the fish, and the bread and wine of communion. From the iconoclasm of the Reformers to the Romantic and liberal approach of experiencing God through religious art. From sociologist Jacques Ellul’s “Invasion of the Image” emptying the word of its power, to Archbishop Rowan Williams’ (did you know he’s a druid??) reclamation of the image as giving meaning to the word. Greg suggested a tri-partite Christian approach to imagery:

1. Suspicion. The basic biblical position is iconoclasm. From the OT commandments, to the NT focus on the Word of God and the false image of Christ, images are seen as a (potential?) distraction: leading us to worship the creation instead of the Creator.
2. Confidence. With our trust in the Ultimate Image we can act graciously towards other images, understanding them within the framework of the Image of God revealed in Jesus Christ. Greg came up with a nice phrase he was particularly chuffed about – “epiphanies, not theophanies.” We might experience some kind of meaning from an image, but it’s not going to be a revelation of God. An image may impress, but not save or sanctify.
3. Co-option. In Acts 17 with the altar to the unknown god, Paul co-opts Greek imagery to fit his own doctrinal pattern. Similarly, the ‘accidentally Christian’ imagery of 9/11 – e.g. the cross at the WTC site – can be appropriately (key point) co-opted for Christian apologetics.

The main focus of the evening was Justine Toh's talk on "Re-membering absent bodies". Justine is doing a PhD in Film Studies and Macquarie University. I can’t remember exactly how she articulated her topic, but she’s considering the way 9/11 is represented by imagery and artifacts. She recently returned from a research trip to the US, where she visited Ground Zero, some of the museum exhibits around there as well as in Washington, and interviewed a number of people.

I think the title of her talk here is really clever. “Re-membering absent bodies.” Not just recalling them to mind, but trying to put them back together, to restore their dignity, to be able to grieve properly. So many of the people killed in the attacks have just disappeared. All their families have to grieve over is a jar of dust. The bodies are absent, but in some way they are still present. The absent body is at the heart of 9/11 imagery and, as Justine points out, there is also an absent body at the heart of Christianity.

Justine commented on four films that are about or are connected to the 9/11 attacks: United 93, World Trade Center, War of the Worlds and The Falling Man. I was a little surprised at first by the inclusion of War of the Worlds. I’d forgotten how recently it was made. I started watching it earlier this year, but actually got a bit bored. By some strange coincidence, I think I actually turned it off just before the segment that Justine showed in the seminar – the part where these aliens start zapping people with the heat rays. It’s quite graphic. I thought there were body parts flying through the air, but apparently it was just clothes – the bodies had completely disappeared. All that was left was dust. There’s one part where you see a woman vaporised and Tom Cruise passes through the cloud of dust left behind. When he finally makes it back home, his children ask what this stuff all over him is. It’s quite powerful, particularly when seen in the context of 9/11. I think I should try watching it again.

It was a shame that there was such a small turn out to this seminar – only about 10 people. I have to say that anyone who didn’t come really missed out. This was probably the most fascinating CASE event I have been to so far. I’m not very philosophically inclined, so Greg’s talk on imagery was quite new to me. I love being exposed to these kinds of ideas – it’s like a whole new world has opened up, a new way of viewing things that I’ve never thought about before. And while I have an interest in pop culture, I don’t have a systematic background in cultural studies, and I’m generally not too critical in films, or very aware of the context and meaning of the imagery. I’m looking forward to reading Justine’s thesis when it’s done – it should be fantastic.

I would highly recommend Justine’s upcoming lecture at CASE – ‘Saviours on film – on September 26, 5pm at New College. Unfortunately I can’t make it, but hopefully it will be up on the CASE site eventually. And she has another one on November 28: ‘Spirituality on the screen’, which hopefully I will be able to attend.

Renovation

I ended up with a headache this afternoon after spending more than half an hour arguing about heroic history of science versus contextual history of science. (10 points for the first person who correctly states which side I was on!!)

I would have gone home, but there's a CASE event on tonight. My brain was a bit too tired to start reading Henry More's 1653 classic An Antidote Against Atheisme, so I decided to update my blog. (I was going to do this over the weekend, but I was lazy and watched about six episodes of Lois and Clark on DVD instead.)

Any thoughts on the new look?

Are we worthy of our kitchens?

This is an interesting article by Christine Rosen. Are we buying more and more kitchen stuff in the hope that it will improve our home lives, while we should just be spending more time at home using the things we already have?

The argument that domestic appliances have not eased the burden of housekeeping for women seems strangely familiar. I'm sure it's part of Betty Friedan's The Feminine Mystique, but I can't be sure because it's a long time since I read that, and I didn't finish it anyway. Friedan took the argument much further, though, to suggest that the production of all these fancy gadgets for household chores was a deliberate attempt to oppress women by keeping them in the home, working harder than ever.

However, Rosen raises some thought-provoking points. Our culture seems to be more and more keen on the trappings of domesticity - fancy appliances, beautiful kitchens, glossy cookbooks - but less and less keen on actual domesticity. People are working longer hours, buying more take-away food, eating together as a family less often. Appliances are supposed to make our lives easier, but we are just as busy as ever. Duncan wrote an interesting post about iPods, and how we almost seem to be afraid of silence these days. (I do have to say here that my iPod is very handy, because sometimes it's dangerous to leave me alone with my thoughts, but I didn't pay for it. My brother won it for me. Thanks Tim!) Do we really believe that these kinds of material possessions will make our lives easier? Will I actually get more work done once my shiny and speedy new MacBook arrives?

I think there's something about the picture of perfect domesticity that we are served up from magazines and lifestyle TV that appeals to a lot of people. It seems so peaceful... clean... tidy... orderly. If only we had the right house, or the right gadgets, we could live like that too. I know I get caught up in this kind of thing too. It's often stationery for me. If I go to Officeworks and get a whole bunch of fancy file boxes and folders, I'll be able to keep my life and work in order. I don't covet $6000 Aga stoves, but I do like granite benchtops (good for making pasta and pastry!) and those pretty blue Breville appliances and saucepans. And I have collected a pile of Nigella Lawson homewares for my glory cupboard. I've even got a copy of The Penguin Book of Housekeeping. I've consulted it once - I wanted to see how the author suggested folding fitted sheets. They can be so tricky! I guess it's all this kind of stuff that prompted one of my friends to tell me once that I'm "too Martha Stewart to be a feminist"...

But anyway, I found this article fascinating. Domestic bliss is a huge marketing tool at the moment, but it's something that many people just don't have. I don't think buying more stuff will solve our problems, though.

Nice. Very nice.

I found Simon Conway Morris's abbreviated CV on the web. A very impressive list of achievements: Fellow of the Royal Society of London, Professor at the University of Cambridge... but I particularly liked what he listed under 'Other Interests':

Wine, G.K. Chesterton, science and religion

I wonder if I'd be more employable if I listed 'wine' as one of my interests on my resume??

Waiting for Mr Darcy

Some comments on this 'phenomenon' from Nixter, Craig and Sam in the City.

Yep, I've been guilty of this too.

"Where's my Mr Darcy?"

"I want to go to Cambridge so I can meet my Mr Darcy!"

And so on...

But do I have unrealistic expectations about the perfect relationship? I'm not so sure I do. I complain that all the nice guys I meet are either gay, married, non-Christian, not interested or not an option for some other reason, and it's not as though I'm turning away scores of potential suitors.

Besides, Mr Darcy wasn't perfect (in Pride and Prejudice or in Bridget Jones). Neither was Lizzie. And they didn't have an easy relationship either. First Darcy insults Lizzie, then she vows never to even dance with him, he proposes in an extremely insulting and patronising way, she refuses harshly and perhaps too honestly. And then when they start to have feelings for each other, they both have to deal with family objections... What attracts me to someone like Darcy is that he loved Lizzie not for her looks, for her money, or for her family connections, but for her mind. And I can relate to Lizzie because of her determination to marry for love. Two classic Lizzie quotes (from the BBC version - it's all I can remember off by heart):

If I could love a man who would love me enough to take me for a mere £50 a year, I should be very well pleased... Such a man could hardly be sensible, and you know I could never love a man who was out of his wits!

I am determined that nothing but the very deepest love will induce me into matrimony. So... I shall end an old maid and teach your 10 children to embroider cushions and play their instruments very ill!

Jane: A marriage where neither party can respect the other, that cannot be agreeable.
Lizzie: As we have daily proof...

The relationship between Darcy and Lizzie is about love, respect and a true meeting of minds, despite the faults of the individuals. That's the fairytale that I want. I'm not looking for the perfect man. I'm not expecting love at first sight. But I would love to think that there is someone out there, someone that, when the right time comes, I will want to share my life with. All I know is that he will love God and love me. What's a few imperfections in light of that?!

Edit:

I should also link to Mike's beautiful post about Christine. A real-life fairytale perhaps?

7:40AM...

...and I'm already at uni. This is a little scary...

Books I read (for pleasure) in July & August 2006

1. Alex Garland, The Beach

I bought this as some light reading to take overseas. It was ok, but seemed to be a bit of a rip-off of Lord of the Flies, and things got really weird by the end of the book. It's also been made into a movie with Leonardo di Caprio, but I haven't seen that.

2. Henry James, The Portrait of a Lady

This was some less light reading I took overseas. I like to take cheap books with me so I can leave them behind, and classics tend to be quite cheap! The book is described as a tragedy, and it took awhile before I could see how it would be tragic. But it really was very sad. Isabel, the heroine, is a free spirit but she ends up making a terrible decision that basically removes all her freedom.

3. Iain Pears, An Instance of the Fingerpost

This was a fantastic book! It was recommended to me by some people I met at the BSHS conference in Canterbury, and it was definitely a worthwhile read. It's a murder mystery set in Restoration Oxford, told in four conflicting accounts. Characters include Robert Boyle and John Locke - people I'm studying for my PhD. And considering I'd just been to Oxford, it was even more exciting! I didn't pick the ending, but that's not unusual. I enjoy getting caught up in novels so I can be surprised by the twists.

4. Marisha Pessl, Special Topics in Calamity Physics

This book had the potential to be very special, and it was quite an enjoyable read. It just seemed a little pretentious with all the references, and was a little too close to Donna Tartt's The Secret History, an excellent book. Also, the story unfolded very slowly over 600 or so pages, and the end seemed rather far-fetched.

5. Susanna Gregory, A Wicked Deed

This is the 5th Matthew Bartholomew Chronicle - a series of crime novels set in medieval Cambridge. The main character, Matthew Bartholomew, is a physican with some rather unorthodox ('modern') ideas about how to treat his patients. It can get a little tiring seeing him always opposed by the fanatical friars and monks who view him as heretical, so it was nice to see him in this novel espousing a view that is wrong by modern standards - i.e. that the earth is motionless. These novels are always a good, light read.

What is going on in there?!

Sometimes I really worry about myself. Occasionally I doubt my own sanity - usually after a particularly strange dream. I have weird dreams quite often - most nights - and I remember bits and pieces of them. Perhaps it has something to do with not sleeping very well and waking up frequently during the night. These dreams often make me wonder what on earth is going on inside my head!

The other night, I had a dream that someone showed me a figurine, a kind of action figure, I guess, of a Cambridge Platonist. This person (not sure who they were) told me they bought it at a Disney Store, so I went looking. I'm not sure what city I was in. Sometimes it seemed like Sydney; other times, it seemed I was on holidays. At one point I was riding a bike. Well, I was trying to ride a bike, wobbling all over the road. I finally found the Disney Store, and it was MASSIVE! So, I'm wandering around, trying to find these Cambridge Platonist figurines, and the store is about to close, but I desperately want one, so I'm frantically looking at all the shelves... The store has at least three levels, and rows and rows of shelves. It's kind of like a maze - weaving in and out, trying to get past people, trying to find these figurines before the store closes, because I'm going back home and won't be able to find them at home for some reason, unless I use the internet... I'm not sure if I found them or not - can't quite remember where the dream ended.

Weird, huh? The Cambridge Platonists were a group of theologians and philosophers based at the University of Cambridge, mainly at Emmanuel College, around the time of the Civil War in England, in the mid-seventeenth century. Why anyone would make action figures of these guys, I have no idea. That said, if there were action figures of the Cambridge Platonists, I'd certainly be out looking for them! Although I think I'd be after an action figure of Descartes or Galileo first. I could buy an action figure of Albert Einstein, and I have been tempted, but have never got around to it.

So what does this dream mean? Perhaps I've been working too hard. I've spent most of the last fortnight on the Cambridge Platonists, and I spent awhile before that reading Ralph Cudworth's The True Intellectual System of the Universe, one of the major works to come out of the group. That was a pretty intense book - took me 6 days to get through it. He makes such fun of atheists though - it's quite amusing.

I think the bike bit may have been a reminder of cycling in France and all the bruises I got from bashed the pedals against my legs, crashing into barriers and falling off.

Hmm... I wonder if there would be much of a market for action figures of seventeenth-century theologians and natural philosophers? Maybe a series of the Boyle Lecturers - that would be cool! Perhaps I should throw in my PhD and go into toy making...

Or, maybe not.

I am just a speck of dust inside a giant's eye...

I heard this song on Triple J this morning. I thought it was quite a cute song, the lyrics are kind of sweet, and I think most people get the feeling from time to time that they are so tiny compared to this enormous universe we're in, and so unimportant in the context of human history. But, it's exciting as a Christian to know that even though we are so small, we're still important to God. So important that he wants to be in a relationship with us, and sent Jesus to die so that relationship could be restored. And God is not some distant, scary deity, uninvolved with our lives. We have an intimate relationship with him as father and children, so we can call the creator of this amazing universe Abba, Father.

When I go for a drive I like to pull off to the side
Of the road, turn out the lights, get out and look up at the sky
And I do this to remind me that I'm really, really tiny
In the grand scheme of things and sometimes this terrifies me

But it's only really scary cause it makes me feel serene
In a way I never thought I'd be because I've never been
So grounded, and so humbled, and so one with everything
I am grounded, I am humbled, I am one with everything

Rock and roll is fun but if you ever hear someone
Say you are huge, look at the moon, look at the stars, look at the sun
Look at the ocean and the desert and the mountains and the sky
Say I am just a speck of dust inside a giant's eye
I am just a speck of dust inside a giant's eye

When I saw Geneviève I really liked it when she said
What she said about the giant and the lemmings on the cliff
She said 'I like giants
Especially girl giants
Cause all girls feel too big sometimes
Regardless of their size'

When I go for a drive I like to pull off to the side
Of the road and run and jump into the ocean in my clothes
And I'm smaller than a poppyseed inside a great big bowl
And the ocean is a giant that can swallow me whole

So I swim for my salvation and I swim to save my soul
But my soul is just a whisper trapped inside a tornado
So I flip to my back and I float and I sing
I am grounded, I am humbled, I am one with everything
I am grounded, I am humbled, I am one with everything

So I talked to Geneviève and almost cried when she said
That the giant on the cliff wished that she was dead
And the lemmings on the cliff wished that they were dead
So the giant told the lemmings why they ought to live instead

When she thought up all those reasons that they ought to live instead
It made her reconsider all the sad thoughts in her head
So thank you Geneviève, cause you take what is in your head
And you make things that are so beautiful and share them with your friends

We all become important when we realize our goal
Should be to figure out our role within the context of the whole
And yeah, rock and roll is fun, but if you ever hear someone
Say you are huge, look at the moon, look at the stars, look at the sun
Look at the ocean and the desert and the mountains and the sky

Say I am just a speck of dust inside a giant's eye
I am just a speck of dust inside a giant's eye
I am just a speck of dust inside a giant's eye
And I don't wanna make her cry
Cause I like giants

Kimya Dawson

If

If you can organise your lab
Nor lose the power to think
And deal with academic chores
Not drive yourself to drink.
If you can make a test of all your findings
And risk it on one test of yes or no
And lose, then
You'll stay a prof my son.

Patrick Blackett, unpublished manuscript.

Making time

Hmm... Haven't managed to post as much as I would like. I guess I'm being too conscientious with my PhD work! Or maybe it's just less effort to read other people's blogs...

Stay tuned for some musings on feminism, scepticism and Calvinism, hopefully coming soon!

Counterfactuals

Would the 'Galileo Affair' have happened if:

• Galileo hadn't offended the Pope?
• Cardinal Bellarmine had died before 1616?
• Cardinal Bellarmine had been around for the 1633 trial?

Revisiting the Book Meme

It's amazing how much time some people have. At this blog here, a guy called Kevin has gone through the answers 275 people gave to the book meme, and has come up with a list of the books that received the most positive comments. He also looked at which books were mentioned by a number of people as books they wish hadn't been written. This list included Rick Warren's The Purpose Driven Life, though at least two people had rated that positively...

Oh, and he also lists all the people whose answers he looked at, including me! (Hurrah! I'm famous in the blogosphere!) Wonder how he found them all?

Baby Got Book

Who remembers Sir Mix-A-Lot's 'Baby Got Back' from some time back in the 90s? Well, here is a hilarious Christian remake, performed at the Narwee Baptist Church Young Adults Christmas in July dinner, which unfortunately I missed because I was in Cambridge. Poor me.

Anyway, check out the Narwee version here.

Then check out the original version here. And the lyrics are here.

Enjoy!!

Creation and Evolution

If you happen to be a 'creation scientist' (or something of that kind) and have read this far, may I politely suggest that you put this book back on the shelf. It will do you no good. Evolution is true, it happens, it is the way the world it, and we too are one of its products. This does not mean that evolution does not have metaphysical implications; I remain convinced that this is the case. To deny, however, the reality of evolution and more seriously to distort deliberately the scientific evidence of fundamentalist tenets is inadmissible.

Simon Conway Morris, Life's Solution: Inevitable Humans in a Lonely Universe, p. xv.

Galileo

Everything you believe about Galileo is false!

David C. Lindberg, Faraday Summer Course, 2006

Creation or Multiverses?

Surely the conjecture that there is just one universe and its Creator is infinitely simpler and easier to believe than that there are countless billions upon billions of worlds, constantly increasing in number and created by nobody. I can only marvel at the low state to which today's philosophy of science has fallen.

Martin Gardner, Are Universes Thicker than Blackberries? p. 9.

Science as apologetics?

"We don't proclaim our faith on the basis of the evolution of the sabre-tooth cat."

Simon Conway Morris, Faraday Summer Course, July 2006

Oops!

I went down the the UNSW bookshop to buy two books... but ended up with four. Those stands of new books facing the door are a very sneaky strategy to boost sales. Must learn to resist temptation...

These are the four books:

1. Boris Akunin, Pelagia and the White Bulldog.

Akunin's last Erast Fandorin mystery was rather disappointing, so I'm hoping that this 'Sister Pelagia' series will be better. I like a good crime novel, but John Grisham now seems to be writing moral fables, Kathy Reich's keeps copying Patricia Cornwell's plots, and I wonder about some crime authors - what kind of minds can come up with that kind of evil and brutality? And Patricia Cornwell is just too mean to poor Kay Scarpetta.

2. Andrew Drummond, A Handbook of Volapuk.

Battles over universal languages. I wonder if John Wilkins will get a mention? Speaking of universal languages, I saw a book on Amazon which looks interesting - Philosophical Languages in the Seventeenth Century: Dalgarno, Wilkins, Leibniz. Unfortunately, it's US$164.00, so I won't be buying it. Not today, anyway...

3. Marisha Pessl, Special Topics in Calamity Physics.

A coming-of-age murder mystery set around a Great Books course.

4. Simon Conway Morris, Life's Solution: Inevitable Humans in a Lonely Universe.

I heard Simon Conway Morris speak at Cambridge, and apart from being very entertaining to watch and listen to, he had some fascinating ideas that I'd never come across before. To put it simply, Conway Morris is suggesting that evolution has direction and a destination - intelligent, human-like creatures. So, even if the meteor that wiped out the dinosaurs had missed the earth, something like us would still have evolved. And if there is life elsewhere in the universe, it is more likely to be similar to us than different. More on this once I've read the book. Don't hold your breath, though. I've got piles of unread books at home!

What are you going to do when you grow up?

This morning when I was waiting for my bagel to be toasted, the girl in the shop asked if I was heading to class. I told her that I'm doing a PhD, so I do research.

"PhD? What does that mean?"

"Doctor of Philosophy... but I'm doing it in the history of science."

"History of science? That sounds exciting."

"Well, I think it is."

"So what are you going to do when you grow up?"

"I'm hoping to stay in universities - be an academic."

"So you love learning?"

"Yes... and teaching."

"Oh, that's beautiful!"

I know I look young, but I'm sure that she couldn't have been any older. And I'd like to think that I'm already grown up! At least a little bit... But being asked questions like this is one of the downsides of being a PhD student. Usually the question is "What does that qualify you to do?" I find that a bit hard to answer. I think it comes from a rather vocational view of education, which I don't necessarily subscribe to. I'm all in favour of education for its own sake - learning for the sheer joy of learning. It's not just about learning 'facts' (if indeed there are such things). Education teaches people how to reason and think critically.

So what will my PhD qualify me to do? Think. And reason. And rip illogical or unfounded arguments to shreds.

With the teaching experience I'm gaining at the moment, and the publications that will hopefully happen sometime in the near future, I might one day be qualified for a real ('tenure track', if I leave Oz) academic position! And then I can continue researching and publishing in order to keep my position, and supervise more students to perpetuate the cycle!

Cracking up

While I had a wonderful time in Paris, I did feel that Dan Brown had ruined my experience, just a bit. Everywhere I went, I saw pyramids, and chalices, and rose windows. I barely saw anything that didn't make me think of The Da Vinci Code.

On our second day in Paris, Katrina and I visited the Louvre. We got there early, and made a beeline for the Mona Lisa so we could see it without too much of a crowd. It's not a very big painting, but I already knew that, so it wasn't a disappointment. Her eyes really do follow you around, too. Fortunately for Katrina, I managed to resist the urge to scream "I've cracked the code!" I was careful to notice that the perspective was painted differently on either side, which is supposed to make one side of her appear larger, thus emphasising the sacred feminine. Or so Dan Brown says. But he's an expert on these things, right?

The Louvre is a massive museum. I get museum fatigue rather quickly, and just looking at the size of the building made me feel tired! Katrina and I split up and wandered for about 3 hours before meeting for lunch. That would have been enough for me, but Katrina seemed determined to at least walk through every room in the museum. Unfortunately, I managed to misplace my ticket after lunch, so I couldn't get back in. I wasn't prepared to pay another 8 euros to buy another ticket, so I went for a wander in the Jardin de Tuileries.

The Louvre was certainly worth visiting, but I think that if I ever go back to Paris, I'll go at a time when there are less tourists, like the middle of winter. And I'll make sure I'm over my jet lag, so I can appreciate it more.

One book (to rule them all?)

Tagged by my brother Tim.

1. One book that changed your life:
Unnatural Enemies by Kirsten Birkett was quite influential in my decision to switch from Medical Science to History and Philosophy of Science, so I guess without it I would be an unhappy, failing medical student!

2. One book that you’ve read more than once:
To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee

3. One book you’d want on a desert island:
SAS Survival Handbook: How to Survive in the Wild, in Any Climate, on Land or at Sea by John 'Lofty' Wiseman

4. One book that made you laugh:
How to Create a Flawless Universe In Just Eight Days by Godfather Publications

5. One book that made you cry:
Les Miserables by Victor Hugo. Shouldn't have been surprised, I guess.

6. One book that you wish had been written:
The Princess Bride by S. Morgenstern. As mentioned in The Princess Bride by William Goldman.

7. One book that you wish had never been written:
Wish by Peter Goldsworthy

8. One book you’re currently reading:
An Instance of the Fingerpost by Ian Pears. History of Science fiction set in Restoration Oxford. How fantastic is that?!

9. One book you’ve been meaning to read:
Prophets Facing Backward: Postmodern Critiques of Science and Hindu Nationalism in India
by Meera Nanda

10. Now tag five people:
Hmm... Not too many people with blogs who read this. Nick, Tim G, Karen (but she's probably already done this...)

La Tour Eiffel

22 Eiffel Tower, originally uploaded by Larakate.

Here's a picture of the Eiffel Tower that I took on my first night in Paris. Katrina and I were staying in a hotel quite close to the Eiffel Tower, which was very convenient. I had quite a long nap in the afternoon, after flying into Paris at 6am that morning and going on a 3-hour walking tour. We managed to climb the tower though, as far as we were able to. We stayed to watch the sunset, although it was a little too hazy. After this we found a restaurant with snails and a very rude waiter. I guess that's something that needs to be experienced once in Paris!

Leaving the blogsphere

Dear all,

Sadly, the time has come for me to sign off from here for good. I have many things on my plate this year - church, PhD, work, study, CASE - and I need to carefully prioritise my time. While I've enjoyed writing this blog and meeting some interesting people in the blogosphere, I don't have enough time to keep it up. My posts have been few and far-between lately, though I have kept this up longer than any other traditional journals I've tried keeping!

Anyway, I'm sure I'll see people around. It's a very small world in Christian circles!

Lara

Pieces of me

I hope that no one minds me quoting from someone who is related to Jessica Simpson, but sometimes the words that describe how we feel come from the most unlikely sources. Well, in this case, it's not actually how I feel, but something I would love to have.

On a Monday I am waiting
Tuesday, I am fading
And by Wednesday, I can't sleep
Then the phone rings, I hear you
And the darkness is a clear view
Cause you’ve come to rescue me

Fall, with you I fall so fast
I can hardly catch my breath
I hope it lasts

Oh, it seems like I can finally
Rest my head on something real
I like the way that feels
Oh, it's as if you know me better
Than I ever knew myself
I love how you can tell
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me

I am moody and messy
I get restless and it's senseless
How you never seem to care
When I'm angry, you listen
Make me happy, it's your mission
And you won't stop till I'm there

Fall, sometimes I fall so fast
When I hit that bottom crash
You're all I have

How do you know
Everything I'm about to say
Am I that obvious?
And if it's written on my face
I hope it never goes away
Yeah!

On a Monday I am waiting
And by Tuesday I am fading
Into your arms
So I can breathe

Oh, it seems like I can finally
Rest my head on something real
I like the way that feels
Oh, it's as if you know me better
Than I ever knew myself
I love how you can tell
All the pieces, pieces, pieces of me
All the Pieces, pieces, pieces of me
- Ashlee Simpson

This is very cool...

A plush version of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is up for sale on eBay!

A question...

How on earth do non-coffee drinkers survive Monday mornings?

Welcome!

If you are particularly observant, you may have noticed a new entry in the list of blogs I read: Indiana Nick and the Philosophy Degree.

Nick is my HPS buddy from way back. He recently moved to Indiana (yes, that's in the USA) to begin graduate school in HPS. He's a lot braver than I am, but I'll still be a doctor before he is!

Australian Politics Test

I've apparently already been quite personal on this blog, so I guess I may as well reveal my political tendencies as well...

According to the Australian Politics Test on the OzPolitics Blog, the political party whose policy outlook aligns most closely with my views is the Labor Party, followed closely by Family First, which is kind of strange...

You can see the rest of my results here.

Mawwage, that bwessed awwangement; that dweam wivin a dweam...

I had the strangest dream last night. I dreamed that I was getting married at a church that was kind of a cross between the Goulburn and Narwee Baptist churches. The congregation hadn't arrived yet; it might have been the rehearsal, except that I was already in my wedding dress. I saw the guy that I was getting married to, but I couldn't recognise him as anyone I know in real life. The strange part was that I didn't seem to know him very well - it seemed almost like an arranged marriage - so I was a bit nervous and kind of shy, but still happy to be getting married to him.

Tres bizarre!!

A number of years back, I went to a Chris Isaak concert (and no, I'm not embarrassed to admit that I like Chris Isaak!), and Kasey Chambers, who was just starting out in the 'mainstream' at that time, was the support act. She mentioned that her song, 'The Captain', had been described as the least feminist song ever written. This is not very surprising, given the lyrics of the song:

Well I don't have as many friends because
I'm not as pretty as I was
I've kicked myself at times because I've lied
So I will have to learn to stand my ground
I'll tell 'em I won't be around
I'll move on over to your town and hide

Well I have handed all my efforts in
I searched here for my second wind
Is there somewhere here to let me in I asked
So I slammed the doors they slammed at me
I found the place I'm meant to be
I figured out my destiny at last

You be the Captain
And I'll be no-one
And you can carry me away if you want to
And you can lay low
Just like your father and if
I tread upon your feet you just say so
'Cos you're The Captain, I am no-one,
I tend to feel as though I owe one to you

Now, this might surprise those of you who are familiar with my feminist tendencies, but there is something about the picture this song portrays that appeals to me. Not the 'I am no one' part, but the more general idea of taking refuge in a relationship with someone else. Perhaps I'm being weak or lazy, or just pessimistic, when I think that I can't make it through life on my own, but I like the idea of having someone to look after me - someone to watch over me!

I know that I already have someone watching over me, and I know that a relationship with God is more perfect and more satisfying than a human relationship could ever be, but I still long for that special relationship in this life. Again, this might be surprising coming from someone who claims to be some kind of feminist, but I love the way the Bible portrays marriage.

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
- Ephesians 5:25-33 (ESV)

That is such a beautiful picture of marriage. Imagine someone loving you as Christ loved the church. Would it be difficult for a woman to submit to a man who loved her like this? Well, yes, I guess it would be. It's hard enough to submit fully to God, let alone to another human with all his flaws.

Last night at church, Mike Frost spoke on the theme of 'Is this as good as it gets?' Obviously, his answer was 'no'. He talked about this passage:

Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also. And you know the way to where I am going.
- John 14:1-4 (ESV)

I've heard that passage many times. When I was little, I used to picture heaven as some kind of huge mansion, with lots and lots of rooms. My grandfather died when I was 5, and I remember saying that when I got to heaven, I would knock on all the doors until I found him. (When I was in year 7, though, my scripture teacher ruined my childhood fantasy by telling us that people don't go straight to heaven - they're just kind of asleep until judgement day.)

Mike Frost explained this passage in terms of marriage - something I'd never thought about before, but it makes sense, particularly given all the marriage illustrations used to describe the church's relationship with Christ. It's an incredible thought. Jesus is preparing a place for us in his Father's house - not as siblings or friends, but as his bride. It's just amazing to think about. One day, when the time is right, Jesus will return and take us to be with him; to live with him in that special and exclusive marraige relationship. How awesome is that?! And I love the passage from Isaiah that Mike also quoted:

"For behold, I create new heavens and a new earth,and the former things shall not be remembered or come into mind.
But be glad and rejoice forever in that which I create; for behold, I create Jerusalem to be a joy,and her people to be a gladness.
I will rejoice in Jerusalem and be glad in my people; no more shall be heard in it the sound of weeping and the cry of distress.
No more shall there be in it an infant who lives but a few days, or an old man who does not fill out his days, for the young man shall die a hundred years old, and the sinner a hundred years old shall be accursed.
They shall build houses and inhabit them; they shall plant vineyards and eat their fruit.
They shall not build and another inhabit; they shall not plant and another eat; for like the days of a tree shall the days of my people be, and my chosen shall long enjoy the work of their hands.
They shall not labor in vain or bear children for calamity, for they shall be the offspring of the blessed of the LORD, and their descendants with them.
Before they call I will answer; while they are yet speaking I will hear.
The wolf and the lamb shall graze together; the lion shall eat straw like the ox, and dust shall be the serpent's food. They shall not hurt or destroy in all my holy mountain," says the LORD.
- Isaiah 65:17-25 (ESV)

I think that the main reason the biblical picture of marriage seems so beautiful is because it is an illustration of the church's relationship with Christ. Sure, it might be a great thing on earth, but it's only a shadow of the true marriage to come.

It's tempting to view the biblical picture of marriage as an ideal - something that sounds good in theory, but doesn't work out in reality. Sure, if the husband is fulfilling his responsibility to love his wife as Christ loved the church, submission wouldn't be a bad thing, but I guess that's not the right way to look at it. As Christians, we're called to live as God wants us to, regardless of the way others around us live. That's what freaks me out about marriage, but I think I've been rambling long enough for one post!

So why was I dreaming about getting married? Perhaps it's just on my mind lately. Mike Frost's talk at church last night; the fact that so many of my friends are pairing off into couples, getting engaged, and getting married... I'm still single, so I have to keep hoping that this will happen to me in the future!

And why was I dreaming about marrying someone I didn't really know? Perhaps because Mike Frost was talking about arranged marriages (that was the usual procedure in the 1st century, after all!) Perhaps because I don't yet know who I'll end up married to.

Anyway, it doesn't really matter. I don't believe that dreams have a definite meaning. That's fortunate too, because I don't even want to think about what the weird little echidna-cross-daddy long legs spider was supposed to represent!!

Ha ha ha!

This is quite amusing!

Yesterday

I like this, but I desperately hope it never happens to me!!

Yesterday,
All those backups seemed a waste of play.
Now my chapters have all gone away.
Oh I believe in yesterday.

I…pushed…something wrong
What it was I could not say.
Now my thesis is gone
and I long for yesterday-ay-ay-ay.

Suddenly,
There’s not half the files there used to be,
And there’s a deadline hanging over me.
Office crashed so suddenly.

Yesterday,
The need for back-ups seemed so far away.
I knew my thesis was all here to stay,
Now I believe in yesterday.

(I found this on Cosmic Variance)

Another nerdy joke

There are 10 types of people in this world: those who understand binary numbers and those who don't.

Tee hee!

Actually, I prefer this one:

There are two types of people in this world: those who divide people up into two types and those who don't.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

(Oh, my sides...)

That's, um, interesting advice...

From Christian Singles Today, some advice on How to Ask a Man Out Without Asking a Man Out.

Einstein defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Most of our dating methods are insane. If you want to meet new people, you have to get out of your same old routine and follow your passions, whether that entails taking a cooking class, learning how to two-step, operating a power saw, or firing a hand gun. And when you do notice that cute guy, wave at him … it may encourage him just enough to ask for your number.

Firing a hand gun?!

Ha ha huh?

The kind of joke you hear at seminars on cognitive science:

A back-propagating network walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "What are you having to drink?"
The back-propagating network says, "Can you repeat that 5,000 times?"

HAHAHAHA!!!

Oh, my sides...

Coffee cart conversations

What I heard while waiting in the queue this morning:

Universities exist for two purposes:

1. To keep young people off the streets and hide unemployment

2. To keep middle-aged malcontents off the streets

Not the best thing for a PhD student/hopeful academic to hear first thing in the morning, but maybe this guy was just fed up with all the paperwork and bureaucracy. I try not to be naive, but surely it can't be that bad?!

Happy Bunny

Happy Bunny, originally uploaded by Larakate.

I thought about buying a t-shirt of this while I was in the USA, but ended up settling for a pin instead.

Holidays!

I'm looking forward to the uni holidays. Not that I get a holiday from my PhD. Technically, I only get four weeks off per year, and I've already used that up. Besides, I don't think I'm in a position to take time off from my research.

I'm looking forward to a break from teaching. Don't get me wrong, I'm still young and naive enough to like teaching. It's quite fun, most of the time. But it is a distraction. If I didn't have a class to teach in 15 minutes, I could be struggling to write my first chapter. Or, I could be sneaking home early to make a dessert for my bible study's BBQ tonight. If it wasn't for this class, I wouldn't have spent an hour and a half brushing up on the physics of X-rays and putting together different accounts of the discovery of X-rays for the class to compare to see how misleading textbook narratives of the history of science can be. And if I wasn't teaching a science and religion class online, I wouldn't have spent a good deal of the weekend marking journals.

Of course, the distraction of teaching can be good at times. If I'm getting frustrated with my work and need a break, I can check my online discussion groups. Unfortunately, that doesn't work so well if the lazy things aren't posting any messages!

It will be good to have a break from teaching. I'll be able to focus on my PhD and hopefully make some good progress. Progress is sorely needed - I feel like I'm about 8 months behind, which is not a nice feeling. But then, I'll have to find a new distraction. I'll be back to checking my email every 5 minutes to see if anyone is actually replying to my emails (oh hang on, I'm already doing that...). If I'm really desperate, I might have to return to the 1824 forum! Even though there are other people here in the FASS, I still crave human contact!

Is anybody out there?!?!

I'm so tired of waking up tired

How wonderful would it be to sleep soundly at night. To get more than a couple of hours of undisturbed sleep. I don't even remember the last time I slept right through the night. Actually, there's one exception to that. The first night after I returned from overseas, I slept solidly from 9pm to 6am. Unfortunately, I was still tired when I woke up in the morning, and the following night I was back to my usual pattern of waking up every hour or so.

I go through different stages with my waking patterns. For awhile I woke up every morning at 3:30am, then 4:30am and 5:30am. At the moment, I wake up at 1:30am every morning. No idea why. This morning I woke up at around 4:30am, and spent the next hour or so looking at the clock every few minutes, waiting for 6am (5:30am just seems to be too ridiculous a time to get out of bed!). Then I managed to fall asleep again, and didn't wake up until 6:20am. Very frustrating. And very tiring. Thank goodness for the Coffee Cart - I don't know how I'd get through a morning at uni without it!

The other thing that goes along with these frustrating sleep patterns is extremely bizarre dreams. I don't even know how to begin to explain what they are about - too fragmented and just weird. It really makes me wonder what on earth is going on in my subconscious!!

Quotes

You may have noticed that I post a lot of song lyrics and other quotes on this blog. The reason? I often find that other people have already expressed how I feel much better than I can. Another example:

I'm a little bit tired of fearing that I'll be the bad fruit nobody buys.
- Missy Higgins

Amused or offended? (Part 2)

Jesus came upon a small crowd who had surrounded a young woman they believed to be an adulteress. They were preparing to stone her to death. Jesus said: “Whoever is without sin among you, let them cast the first stone.”

An old lady at the back of the crowd picked up a huge rock and lobbed it at the young woman, scoring a direct hit on her head. The young lady collapsed dead.

Jesus looked over towards the old lady and said: “Do you know, mother, sometimes you really p*** me off.”


(Link)

Amused or offended?

Walking across a bridge, I saw a man on the edge, about to jump. I ran over and said: “Stop. Don’t do it.”

“Why not?” he asked.

“Well, there’s so much to live for!”

“Like what?”

“Are you religious?”

He said: “Yes.”

I said: “Me too. Are you Christian or Buddhist?”

“Christian.”

“Me, too. Are you Catholic or Protestant?”

“Protestant.”

“Me, too. Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?”

“Baptist.”

“Me, too. Are you Baptist Church of God or Church of the Lord?”

“Baptist Church of God.”

“Me, too. Are you original Baptist Church of God, or Reformed Baptist Church of God?”

“Reformed Baptist Church of God.”

“Me, too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915?”

He said: “Reformation of 1915.”

I said: “Die, heretic scum,” and pushed him off.

Eavesdropping

The kinds of things you hear while waiting in the Coffee Cart queue:

It's a good day for sunbaking.

I want to buy some shorts for summer.

I know! Let's all wear shorts and skirts tomorrow!

I have a cute pair of short shorts. They're white with like coloured stripes. Maybe I should wear them with my wedges!

I'm excited about summer coming. It's like the best thing that's happened to me all year!

The Shining

OK, so it's not a Stephen King novel, but I still found this a little scary.

Hillsong presents a program called Shine, designed to help girls "navigate successfully from girl-life into womanhood."

According to the website,

Shine presents the truth that every girl has intrinsic value and is somebody. This journey is explored through the concepts of worth, strength & purpose ...

• I have worth! - Through skincare, makeup, haircare and nailcare, girls discover their value in their God created uniqueness.

• I have strength! - Explores the power of choice in each girl’s life and reinforces the truth that decisions determine destiny. Covers willpower, feelings, peer pressure, problem solving, etiquette and respect.

• I have purpose! - Purpose and destiny are examined in the light of looking after themselves; identifying the hopes and dreams they have for their life and the confidence and tools to walk in them. Shining.

Skin care, make-up and etiquette lessons? Isn't this teaching young women to conform to the standards of this world?

While the program claims to be presenting the girls with 'Christian principles', I can't help but wonder what kind of message is being promoted. Is it that our value comes from being part of God's creation, or from following fashion? Does strength come from ourselves, or from God? Is our purpose in life to live out our dreams, or to glorify God?

I have personal experience with female adolescence (surprise, surprise) and the expectations and peer pressure that goes along with it. My teenage years were not particularly fun - I went through a bit of an 'ugly duckling' phase, I got teased a lot at school and at youth group, and I was not a confident person at all. Sure, once I started wearing make-up I felt a little better about my appearance, but what really made me feel better about myself was knowing that God loved me as I was, and so much that Jesus died for me. Trying to live up to society's standards is not going to help young women at all unless they can grasp this truth.

I love that there are young, female Christian musicians around who are writing lyrics that present this kind of message. One of my favourites, which I think I have quoted before, is Bethany Dillon's song 'Beautiful'.

I was so unique
Now I feel skin deep
I count on the make-up to cover it all
Crying myself to sleep cause I cannot keep their attention
I thought I could be strong
But it's killing me

Does someone hear my cry?
I'm dying for new life

I want to be beautiful
Make you stand in awe
Look inside my heart,
and be amazed
I want to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
Just want to be worthy of love
And beautiful

Sometimes I wish I was someone other than me
Fighting to make the mirror happy
Trying to find whatever is missing
Won't you help me back to glory

You make me beautiful
You make me stand in awe
You step inside my heart, and I am amazed
I love to hear You say
Who I am is quite enough
You make me worthy of love and beautiful

BarlowGirl don't seem to be that well-known in Australia, but they are played on 103.2 from time to time (many thanks to Donna for introducing me to their music!). I love this song 'Mirror', because it captures how our sense of self should come from our relationship with God, not how we view ourselves in the light of society's expectations.

Mirror, Mirror on the wall; Have I got it?
'Cause Mirror you've always told me who I am
I’m finding It’s not easy to be perfect
So sorry, you won’t define me
Sorry, you don’t own me

Who are you to tell me
that I’m less than what I should be?
Who are you? Who are you?
I don’t need to listen
to the list of things I should do
I won’t try; I won’t try
You don’t define me; You don’t define me

Mirror I am seeing a new reflection
I’m looking into the eyes of He who made me
To Him I have beauty beyond compare
I know He defines me

And one last one from BarlowGirl - the last few stanzas of 'Pedestal'. This is slightly off-topic, but still a great song. It's about the desire to find someone to look up to, the disappointment when our earthly role models fail to live up to our expectations, and our need to be in a relationship with God.

I can't deny this need inside
I have to find the perfect one
But I wonder if behind my need
There might just be a reason

Is my life just one big searching
For the one I can adore?
It never works
And I'm just left here wanting more

Could it be this hunger's there
To drive me to the one
Who's worthy of all worship?
Would my searching then be done?

So, do we encourage teenage girls to find their value and purpose through external beauty and inner poise? Or do we concentrate on helping them to strengthen their relationship with God: our Heavenly Father who created us and who gives our life purpose and meaning; Jesus Christ, who died to bring us back into God's family; and the Holy Spirit, who was sent as our advocate and guide?

Doesn't seem like a tough choice to me...

Awwww...

How cute is my Matey-bird?!

For those of you who have never met my gorgeous bird, this is Mate. We've enjoyed his company for about 16 or 17 years. I'm not sure exactly how old he is. He was originally my brother's bird. For some strange reason, he didn't feel the need to record Mate's birthday and celebrate it every year. When Tim moved to Canberra several years back, I inherited Mate. I don't know why, but Mate had always liked me. Maybe it's my hair - he used to like landing on my head!

For the first time in his life, Mate visited the vet today. He took it quite well actually. Impressive - he's apparently the equivalent of 70 years old! I can tell he's getting on in years - he's slowing down a bit and getting grumpier - but he's still going well.

I was a bit suspicious of vets since my budgie died last year the night after a visit to the vet. However, Mate had been getting quite agitated, squeaking and picking at his feathers. So, off we went to a specialist bird vet in Waterloo, Mate's cage strapped into the passenger seat in my car. I don't think he enjoyed the car ride much. The intertia from accelerating and decelerating disturbed him a bit, but he was still happy to chirp and whistle to me.

Mate coped very well with the vet - I was very impressed. He even had a blood test and an injection of antibiotics. I could tell he wasn't happy with me, because he ignored me all the way home, but after a bit of a rest he was talking to me again. It's probably nothing serious, but he does have a slight skin infection, and the vet also tested for kidney and liver disease (still waiting for those results). Apparently, feather-picking can be brought on by boredom and hormones. It seems that this wasn't the best time of the year for me (his 'girlfriend', as the vet called me) to have gone away for a whole month!

The main outcomes of this experience: I have to give Mate antibiotics twice a day for 10 days - holding him in a towel and putting two drops directly into his beak. I just tried this for the first time. He was not impressed! Also, Mate's diet is apparently not good, and while his weight is on the low side of normal, he has some fat deposits somewhere he's not supposed to. I didn't know this, but bird seed is the equivalent of fast food. Sunflower seeds are like McDonalds. So, Mate needs to eat more greens and stuff like pasta, rice and potato. It will be interesting trying to train him to eat this stuff! Such an old bird - he's quite set in his ways! And I've tried to give him more things to play with and destroy with that powerful little beak. I think he's a bit confused by all this new stuff!

A whole camp full of soldiers...

While overseas, I attended two conferences. The first was the annual conference of the British Society for the History of Science, held at the University of Leeds. This was quite interesting, and I met a few big names in my field. I enjoyed the second conference more, however. This was the Third International Pascal Centre Workshop - Interpreting Nature and Scripture: History of a Dialogue, held at Redeemer University College in Ancaster, Canada. It was a smaller conference but it lasted longer, so I had more opportunity to get to know people. The topic was more specialised as well, so it was closer to my own research.

Now that I've attended a couple of conferences, and I have an idea of what happens, I feel a little more confident about presenting a paper of my own. Also, my research is getting to the point where I actually have something I can talk about, instead of just vague assertions and hunches (though there's still a bit of that!) I'm hoping to head over to New Zealand in December for the annual conference of the Australasian Association for the History, Philosophy and Social Studies of Science, otherwise known as 'AAHPSSS'. (Man, these associations have mammoth names!)

Unfortunately, Australia is a little isolated academically. There aren't a huge number of opportunities to attend conferences locally. So, I'm also thinking (and dreaming) about going to the BSHS's annual postgraduate conference in January at the University of Brighton. That's Brighton in England. That means I could be in England in January. The middle of winter! To spend just three days there would be a waste of such an expensive flight, so if I go, I may as well spend a bit more time there. Paris is just a hop, skip and a jump across (or under) the Channel, so why don't I spend New Year's Eve in Paris?

NEW YEAR'S EVE IN PARIS!!

What an exciting possibility! Anyone want to join me??

Well, I'm not sure if this will happen, but it would be exciting if it did. In the meantime, I can dream!

I WANT TO GO TO BRIGHTON!

(By the way, 10 points for the first person who can tell me where the title of this post comes from. 50 points if you're a guy - I'd be very impressed!)

Amen, brother!

I was very happy to read this letter in yesterday's Herald:

Thank goodness for Dove moisturising cream. Over the weekend I saw the new ads on TV and posters on bus stops. It's just wonderful to see real women in advertisements - and don't they look fantastic with their real curves? So much more appealing than those stick figures that we see on the catwalks. Here's hoping it starts a fashion trend.

Roger Clark
Five Dock

I've been gone so long...

A long time has passed without even a hint of a posting on this blog. I'm sure you've all been waiting breathlessly for my return to the blogosphere, desperately wondering where I've been.

Did something terrible happen to her while she was away?
Is she still suffering from jetlag?
Has she given up on the blog all together?!

The answers are no, no and maybe, but not yet.

I had a fantastic time while I was overseas, packing as much as I possibly could into those four weeks. The highlight of my trip was definitely Cambridge, England. Cambridge, Massachusetts was also quite pleasant, but it doesn't even come close to the 'real' Cambridge. Such a beautiful place, relaxed but academic atmosphere, punts along the river, exquisite old buildings and the best part of all - a whole library devoted to the History and Philosophy of Science! I didn't want to leave. Sure, I could apply for a post-doctoral fellowship there once I finished my PhD, but maybe I could give up my PhD and move to Cambridge right away! The thought crossed my mind, and was entertained for more than a moment. After all, there seemed to be a number of jobs available... But I'm so over working in retail, so I decided to come home to finish my PhD. Cambridge will have to wait. Unless there's a conference there I could go to sometime...

Feeling kind of sleepy. Time to end this post. Perhaps there will be more later...

I'm leaving on a jet plane...

In about seven hours, I will be heading off on a a whirlwind round-the-world experience. Three countries and six cities in four weeks - I think I'm going to be exhausted by the time I get back!

I'm going to London, followed by Cambridge, Leeds, Ancaster (Canada), Boston and New York for a combination of conferencing, research reconnaissance and touristy sight-seeing.

I'll try to post here from time to time, to let you all know what I'm up to.

But now... I think I should go and pack my suitcase!!

Long time, no post

On Sunday, my cousin asked when I would update my blog yet. I thought it was lovely that someone actually looks forward to reading more of my ramblings!

So, here is a special message, just for my lovely cousin Caitlin!

I hope your knee isn't hurting too much, that you made it back to school today without any dramas, that you're enjoying To Kill a Mockingbird, and that you're keeping Andrew in line! Looking forward to seeing you on Tuesday (fingers crossed!)

My Russian lexicon

These are the words and phrases that I can say in Russian:

Hello

Good morning

Goodbye

Yes

No

Please

Thank you

Good

Of course

Grandma

Aunt

Mum

Dad

Stop tormenting me!

Go away

Shut up

Hug me

I love you

Christ is risen

He is risen indeed

How do you say (insert English word) in Russian?

I can't carry on a conversation yet, but it's a start!

Another crazy quiz, but I like this result!

You are Romans.


Which book of the Bible are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Grrrr...

A woman does not want the truth; what is truth to women? From the beginning, nothing has been more alien, repugnant, and hostile to woman than the truth - her great art is the lie, her highest concern is mere appearance and beauty.

Friedrich Nietzsche
- Beyond Good and Evil

Why?

I had a discussion recently with my fellow FASSerians Nadine, Shannon and Jared about the conundrum that is Paris Hilton. Jared argued that she is a postmodern icon, presenting a critique of our society. The rest of us thought this was giving her far too much credit.

Last week I received the story below from a professional history of science email list (where it actually generated some discussion...)

SCIENTISTS SEEK EXPLANATION FOR PARIS HILTON
Hotel Heiress’ Popularity the Subject of Oslo Conference

Over two thousand of the world’s leading scientists converged on Oslo, Norway to attend a conference devoted to one of modern science’s most baffling phenomena, the continuing popularity of hotel heiress Paris Hilton.

In recent years Ms. Hilton’s worldwide fame has puzzled scientists, who have been at a loss to explain the gathering celebrity of a person who by most measures does not possess a distinctive talent, ability or personality.

But as the hotel heiress’ popularity has reached critical mass over the past twelve months, some of the most prominent voices in the scientific community called for the Oslo conference, which had been originally slated to discuss global warming, to focus on Ms. Hilton’s career instead.

The University of Tokyo’s Dr. Hiroshi Kyosuke, who wrote the definitive work on how the universe was created, is among the scientists in Oslo baffled by Paris Hilton’s surging success.

“I have a much clearer idea of how the solar system came to be than I do about Paris Hilton,” Dr. Kyosuke said.

As seemingly insoluble a mystery as Paris Hilton is, however, Dr. Kyosuke hopes that the scientists in Oslo will come away with at least a workable theory of Ms. Hilton's allure.

“The better we understand how and why Paris Hilton got here, the easier it will be to predict when she will go away,” Dr. Kyosuke said.

Elsewhere, Carl Edward Roland, the man who spent 56 hours perched on a crane above Atlanta’s Buckhead district, said today that he was only trying to beat a record set by the magician David Blaine.

Books I read in May 2005

1. Agatha Christie, Evil Under the Sun

2. Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

3. Arturo Perez-Reverte, The Dumas Club

Only 3 books in May. That's sad.

Welcome to the blogosphere!

You may have noticed two new links in my list of blogs. Firstly, Stu's "Exegetical Stu-ing". I don't know Stu in real life. I came across his blog the same way I found most of the blogs I read - he's a friend of a friend of a friend...

Also, welcome to Phil, a friend from church, who has just recently started a blog - fillet o phil (and check out his cute picture!)

Blue Skies

On days of gray
When doubt clouds my view
It’s so hard to see past my fears
My strength seems to fade
And it’s all I can do
To hold on, ’til the light reappears
Still, I believe though some rain’s bound to fall
That you’re here next to me
And you’re over it all

Lord, the sky’s still blue
For my hope is in you
You’re my joy
You’re the dream that’s still alive
Like the wind at my back
And the sun on my face
You are life
You’re grace
You are blue skies
You’re my blue skies

When nights are long
Seems the dark has no end
Still we walk on in light of the truth
For waiting beyond
Where the morning begins
Is the dawn, and your mercy anew
Oh, to believe we’re alive in your love
There is so much to see
If we keep looking up

You fill the heavens with hope and a higher love
A picture, a promise for life

- Point of Grace

Guilty

I just got back to my computer after a seminar and read the Schapelle Corby verdict. I feel so sorry for her. It's a tough issue, though. I don't really know what to think. On the one hand, we should respect the justice systems of other countries, or at least be more consistent in our outrage. On the other hand, it does seem so unjust.

I guess we just have to pray that God will give her the strength to endure whatever lies ahead, and have faith that God is in control and can work good from any situation. After all, she may not have become a Christian if not for this ordeal.

More thoughts soon...

Is your cup half-full or completely full?

I like this quote from Karen's blog. It captures how I feel lately.

“When I wake up in the morning, my ‘cup’ is about three-quarters full. I still might feel down occasionally or have a bad day but I've got room to cope with things that might upset me. But when you wake up in the morning, your cup is already full—full of all these things you've had to carry for a long time. So when things happen, your cup overflows. Of course you're going to feel overwhelmed and of course you're going to find things upsetting.”

(Women's chaplain to Moore College student last Tuesday over coffee and chai tea.)

My Heart is Filled with Thankfulness

My heart is filled with thankfulness to him who bore my pain
Who plumbed the depths of my disgrace and gave me life again
Who crushed my curse of sinfulness and clothed me in his light
And wrote his law of righteousness with power upon my heart.

My heart is filled with thankfulness to him who walks beside
Who floods my weaknesses and strengths and causes fear to fly
Whose every promise is enough for every step I take
Sustaining me with arms of love and crowning me with grace.

My heart is filled with thankfulness to him who reigns above
Whose wisdom is my perfect peace, whose every thought is love
For every day I have on earth is given by the King
So I will give my life, my all, to love and follow him.

- Stuart Townend and Keith Getty

Never Alone

I waited for you today
But you didn't show
No no no
I needed You today
So where did You go?
You told me to call
Said You'd be there
And though I haven't seen You
Are You still there?

I cried out with no reply
And I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I'm never alone

And though I cannot see You
And I can't explain why
Such a deep, deep reassurance
You've placed in my life

We cannot separate
'Cause You're part of me
And though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen

- Barlow Girl

Head Over Feet

I heard this Alanis Morisette song on the radio last night. It used to be one of my favourite songs. Somehow, it seemed to capture what it was I hoped to one day find in a relationship.

I had no choice but to hear you
You stated your case time and again
I thought about it

You treat me like I'm a princess
I'm not used to liking that
You ask how my day was

You've already won me over in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it, it's all your fault

Your love is thick and it swallowed me whole
You're so much braver than I gave you credit for
That's not lip service

You are the bearer of unconditional things
You held your breath and the door for me
Thanks for your patience

You're the best listener that I've ever met
You're my best friend
Best friend with benefits
What took me so long

I've never felt this healthy before
I've never wanted something rational
I am aware now, I am aware now

You've already won me over in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it, it's all your fault

Inconceivable!

I actually achieved my aim for today (in terms of my PhD work). In spite of much distraction and procrastination (that 1824 forum is addictive...) I have a draft of my first chapter. I've still got a lot of work to do on it, but it's a draft that makes some kind of sense! Hurray! And if I can achieve the rest of my daily aims this week, I'll actually be able to submit it to my supervisor on Friday! That's incredible!

Retail therapy #2

I like buying books. Books make me happy. My psychologist tells me I need to schedule more pleasant activities outside the house. Buying books is a pleasant activity. Buying books takes place outside my house. Does that mean I have official sanction from a medical professional to buy more books? Hurrah!

What's in a name?

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other word would smell as sweet."

--From Romeo and Juliet (II, ii, 1-2)

It's a good quote, but names do seem to represent things in some meaningful way. If we decided to change 'rose' to 'gumbellin' (to pick something totally random), surely it wouldn't seem as romantic. "A dozen gumbellins for my love." It's just not the same.

Names seem even more connected to people. Who am I? I'm Larissa. (Or online or sometimes in real life, I'm Lara). That's who I am. Well, it's not all of me, but it represents me in some way. And the name 'Larissa' means 'hilarious' or 'playful' which is, of course, absolutely true. My jokes are indeed very funny. Just ask anyone who knows me in real life - I'm sure they'll agree!

My father's family has had a rather interesting tradition of referring to themselves by their middle names. For example, my grandma's name was Olive Grace, but she was always called Grace, never Olive. My uncle Norman Jack is always Jack, and my aunt Eileen Jean is always called Jean. And my dad is Frank. I can always recognise telemarketers because they ask for Arthur!

Cats have three names. The first poem in T.S. Eliot's Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats is about 'The Naming of Cats'. I'm going to put the whole thing here, because Eliot is my favourite poem and I like inflicting... er, sorry, sharing his poetry with others!

Oh ok, I'll give in. I'll put the first and last stanzas here, and a link to the whole poem here, but only because there are funky cats on this page!

The naming of cats is a difficult matter,
It isn't just one of your holiday games;
You may think at first I'm mad as a hatter
When I tell you a cat must have three
different names.
...
When you notice a cat in profound meditation,
The reason, I tell you, is always the same:
His mind is engaged in rapt contemplation
Of the thought, of the thought,
of the thought of his name:
His ineffable effable
Effanineffable
Deep and inscrutable singular Name.

Now we can move on to consider yet another type of name - the name of a blog. My blog, in particular. I don't know if anyone has actually noticed the new name - "Talking to my sock" - but you'd better have a look now, because it will soon be changed back to the original "Talking to myself". The reason for the change was that my brother misheard me when I told him the name, thinking that I'd actually said "my sock" instead of "myself". You can read his thoughts on the matter here. I still don't see how he won anything. I don't think it's a better or more appropriate name, and I certainly intend to change back. I've never talked to my sock in my life, but I do talk to myself, even if I don't always listen! Besides, the title of my blog was supposed to be a reference to my favourite Guns n' Roses song, Estranged:

When you're talking to yourself
And nobody's home

So, now you all know the story of my temporary blog name. It'll be back to normal soon.

Shortage of blog-time (and Lady Mondegreen)

Apologies to any faithful readers of this blog for the lack of new posts recently. Things have been rather crazy lately, and I'm actually trying to avoid procrastination at the moment (strange times indeed!) I hope to add some new posts soon.

Another thing: either people have stopped reading this blog, or you are all rather unobservant. Or maybe it's just not worth making a comment about. Anyway, has no one noticed the new title of this blog?! I was waiting to see if anyone noticed before I explained it. Oh well...

Three cheers for Tim!

I just have to tell everyone...

My brother Tim is the best brother in the whole world! Here's part of an email he sent me yesterday:

I was feeling really sorry for you the other day, because you’re going to Europe soon and you won’t have an iPod or digital camera – the two gadgets I consider the most important when travelling, after a laptop of course.

Anyway, I turned my mind to wondering how I could get, or help get, you one or both of those. I checked out my frequent flyer and credit card reward points, but they don’t go far enough. However, I know that Pepsi are currently running an iPod competition, so I bought and drank a bottle of Pepsi Max yesterday (I recommend you stick with Coke) and entered the competition today.

Would you believe that he actually won an iPod mini, and he's going to give it to me! And I get to pick the colour (blue of course).

Now, it's not only because of this that he's the best brother in the world. Though I might whinge about him occasionally, and we had our conflicts when we were growing up (still do, actually - *tickle* *slap!*), he really is fantastic and I love him very much. He's been a great encouragement to me in my faith and in my other 'intellectual pursuits', such as reading and buying lots of books. He's always been a caring brother - I remember one time in high school when I got home with an incredibly bad migraine. Tim was about to leave for work at Grace Bros, but he called to say he'd be a little late because he had to look after his sick little sister. He got me into bed, brought me some Nurofen and water, and a bucket in case I was sick. He really took care of me. And that's just one example.

I love you, Tim!! You're the best!

Expanding my blogosphere

I'm not an expert on things computer technological, but for some reason I decided to start this blog last year. I guess it was mainly as a tool of procrastination and distraction - something extremely important to every PhD student. It has been quite fun, though. I've never managed to keep up a journal very long, but sometimes I feel the need to vent frustration in words, or just express my thoughts. This way, no one is forced to listen/read email!

Anyway, one of the things I like about this whole concept of blogging is getting to know other people, or at least reading their ideas. Finding other blogs from links on blogs I do read, and having other people find mine is quite enjoyable. Having people comment on my posts is also exciting. And what is the most exciting thing of all is being listed on other people's blog rolls. For the first time, I've been listed on the blog roll of someone I don't know outside of cyberspace (thanks Matt!). To celebrate, I figured it was about time I put up a list of links to other blogs I read. You should be able to see these to the right, so you can all go and read lots of edgy and deeply philosophical cultural critique.

Hmm...

Oops, I fell down...

A few years back, Adrian, a guy from my church, moved to Bali to set up a Christian Surfers ministry. Things seem to be going quite well, and they are now building a drop-in centre for the young people in Bali. Nici, a girl from my church, has gone over there to help out for about 6 months. She was back in Australia a couple of weeks ago, and spoke at church about some of the things she'd been doing, including visiting Schapelle Corby. Nici said that Schapelle had made a commitment to Jesus, which is amazing news, and that she was leaning on God throughout her trial. Nici also said that she believes Schapelle is innocent, something she believes God revealed to her. Nici also believes that God will bring Schapelle home.

This is quite amazing stuff. I don't know for sure, but I also believe that Schapelle is innocent or that, at the very least, there's not enough evidence to find her guilty. It would be wonderful to see her set free from jail in Bali and return home. But I'm ashamed to admit, my first thought was, "What if she is found guilty?" What would happen to her faith, or to Nici's faith if that happened?

I realised that I don't seem to have much faith in God. I believe that God can do anything, but I'm reluctant to believe he'll do anything in particular, just in case I'm disappointed. I'm not sure if this is an ok thing or a really bad thing. Can I have faith that God is in control, but still acknowledge that he might not choose to act in certain cases? Or maybe he is acting, but we don't know what his overall plan is. It's a tricky issue.

This is one of my favourite retro Christian songs:

I walk by faith
Each step by faith
To live by faith
I put my trust in you

Every step I take
Is a step of faith
No weapon formed against me
Shall prosper
And every prayer I make
Is a prayer of faith
For if our God is for us
Who can be against us?

I love the song, but I'm not sure it really describes my life. That is not a good thing.

Ugh.

This afternoon I went for a walk around the perimeter of the uni - down High St, along Anzac Pde, up Barker St, along Botany St and back down High St to my office. It's the second time I've done this walk. Both times were penance for eating chocolate.

I think I'm addicted to chocolate. I can't eat it in moderation - I have to go cold turkey. I can usually avoid buying chocolate, unless I've feeling particularly depressed, stressed, or low in blood sugar, but if it's in front of me, I eat it all. I love my friend Danielle, but why did she have to give me a chocolate Crunchie bunny as a (late) birthday/Easter present? Oh well. I think I've possibly turned myself off chocolate for awhile. Evil stuff.

...

I am feeling so exhausted and unproductive at the moment. Things were going really well for a time - I was working hard and getting lots of work done, but now I can't concentrate. Maybe I've worn myself out. I was getting frustrated with my first chapter, so I decided to take a break from that and start analysing my early primary sources, starting with Richard Hooker's Of the Laws of Ecclesiastical Polity (c. 1592). It was addressed "To them that seeke (as they tearme it) the reformation of Lawes, and orders Ecclesiasticall, in the Church of ENGLAND." Hooker is basically rejecting Puritan reformers, from what I've read so far (which is not much). I started reading a fascimile of an early edition, but I was finding the old English a bit hard to handle. Usually I can cope - I can deal with the 's's looking like 'f's, and some of the bizarre spelling, but when there's also 'u's instead of 'v's and vice versa, and 'i's instead of 'j's, plus even more bizarre spelling, it's rather difficult. Even an edition translated into modern English was difficult. I think Hooker has to be the most convoluted writer I've ever read. Imagine Yoda speaking in Old English and you'd be pretty close.

Today I've also been trying to read Paradise Lost for the CASE Christianity and Great Books course, but I haven't been going well with that either. I'm so tired and my eyes are all scratchy. Not much fun. I just want to go home and sleep.

...

I think I might stay home tomorrow. There's no point forcing myself to sit here for 10 hours if I'm not getting anything done. I'll just get even more tired and frustrated and slip back into my vicious cycle of stress and anxiety. That would not be a good thing at all.

...

Zzzzzzzzzzz...........

Books I read in April 2005

1. Ian McEwan, Enduring Love

2. Maeve Binchy, Circle of Friends

3. Maeve Binchy, Silver Wedding

4. Jodi Picoult, Vanishing Acts


I'm not doing so well with my reading lately. I'm guessing that's because I've actually been working quite hard - not taking as much time off. My weekends and evenings have also been very busy. I've been feeling more social than I have for a long time. This is all good, but it means I don't have much time to read for pleasure, which is rather sad. There are so many books I would like to read. That Ecclesiastes 12:12 verse (the favourite verse of HSC students, it seems) is so true - Of the making of books there is no end, and much study wearies the flesh.

I have so many books that I haven't read. I decided to attempt to read through them all, so that when people see my bookshelves and say "Wow, you've got a lot of books. Have you read them all?" I can say, "Why yes, as a matter of fact I have." Or I could take the Umberto Eco line: "Oh, these are just the ones I brought home to read over the weekend. The rest are in my office."

I started at the top shelf of the far left book case, working my way through in alphabetical order. I didn't get very far, though. I read two Maeve Binchy books, which were fine. Next came a book called The Sacred Art of Stealing by Christopher Brookmyre. It had more sex and swearing than I had realised when I bought it, so I didn't really feel like reading it. I'm now debating whether to release it into the wild, or try to sell it. After than was March, by Geraldine Brooks - a novel about the civil war experiences of the father from the March family in Little Women. I got a few pages in, but found the descriptions of the fighting a little too much to handle. For some reason I'm feeling a bit emotionally sensitive at the moment, and war has always disturbed me. So now I'm up to an Agatha Christie book. Nice easy reading. I think it's going to take me years to get through all my books. Guess I shouldn't buy any more.

Oops, I just bought five books from Koorong...

The great glittery polystyrene cheese adventure

Yesterday I had an experience I've never had at uni before - wandering around campus carrying a giant polystyrene cheese, which was painted yellow and covered in glitter.

My friend Joy (one of the lovely year 12 girls I had the privilege of leading in youth group last year) bought these two cheese from Reverse Garbage for some kind of theatre performance at uni. I gave her a lift to uni (forcing her to conform to my crazy habit of getting to uni by 8am) so she wouldn't have to carry them on the train and bus. I helpled her carry them from the Morven Brown building down to the Robert Webster building. Fortunately, there weren't too many people around! Unfortunately, the Webster building is a bit hard to navigate, and the theatre office was tricky to find. Actually, we didn't find it at all. We took the lift to the 3rd floor and startled a cleaner - she obviously though we were a little weird. No theatre office. Down to the second floor. Theatre office, but with a sign saying that the office is now on the third floor. Back up to the third floor. No sign of the theatre office at all. Spoke to another cleaner - 'no, the office is definitely on the second floor.' Back down to the second floor. Yes, that sign definitely says the office is on the third floor. But where on the third floor?! Finally, we got someone's attention inside the former theatre office, and we left the cheeses there.

Quite a crazy adventure. And we left a trail of glitter all around the Webster building. Tee hee.

I wonder how many other PhD students have carried giant glittery polystyrene cheeses around uni?