Grrrr...

A woman does not want the truth; what is truth to women? From the beginning, nothing has been more alien, repugnant, and hostile to woman than the truth - her great art is the lie, her highest concern is mere appearance and beauty.

Friedrich Nietzsche
- Beyond Good and Evil

Why?

I had a discussion recently with my fellow FASSerians Nadine, Shannon and Jared about the conundrum that is Paris Hilton. Jared argued that she is a postmodern icon, presenting a critique of our society. The rest of us thought this was giving her far too much credit.

Last week I received the story below from a professional history of science email list (where it actually generated some discussion...)

SCIENTISTS SEEK EXPLANATION FOR PARIS HILTON
Hotel Heiress’ Popularity the Subject of Oslo Conference

Over two thousand of the world’s leading scientists converged on Oslo, Norway to attend a conference devoted to one of modern science’s most baffling phenomena, the continuing popularity of hotel heiress Paris Hilton.

In recent years Ms. Hilton’s worldwide fame has puzzled scientists, who have been at a loss to explain the gathering celebrity of a person who by most measures does not possess a distinctive talent, ability or personality.

But as the hotel heiress’ popularity has reached critical mass over the past twelve months, some of the most prominent voices in the scientific community called for the Oslo conference, which had been originally slated to discuss global warming, to focus on Ms. Hilton’s career instead.

The University of Tokyo’s Dr. Hiroshi Kyosuke, who wrote the definitive work on how the universe was created, is among the scientists in Oslo baffled by Paris Hilton’s surging success.

“I have a much clearer idea of how the solar system came to be than I do about Paris Hilton,” Dr. Kyosuke said.

As seemingly insoluble a mystery as Paris Hilton is, however, Dr. Kyosuke hopes that the scientists in Oslo will come away with at least a workable theory of Ms. Hilton's allure.

“The better we understand how and why Paris Hilton got here, the easier it will be to predict when she will go away,” Dr. Kyosuke said.

Elsewhere, Carl Edward Roland, the man who spent 56 hours perched on a crane above Atlanta’s Buckhead district, said today that he was only trying to beat a record set by the magician David Blaine.

Books I read in May 2005

1. Agatha Christie, Evil Under the Sun

2. Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

3. Arturo Perez-Reverte, The Dumas Club

Only 3 books in May. That's sad.

Welcome to the blogosphere!

You may have noticed two new links in my list of blogs. Firstly, Stu's "Exegetical Stu-ing". I don't know Stu in real life. I came across his blog the same way I found most of the blogs I read - he's a friend of a friend of a friend...

Also, welcome to Phil, a friend from church, who has just recently started a blog - fillet o phil (and check out his cute picture!)

Blue Skies

On days of gray
When doubt clouds my view
It’s so hard to see past my fears
My strength seems to fade
And it’s all I can do
To hold on, ’til the light reappears
Still, I believe though some rain’s bound to fall
That you’re here next to me
And you’re over it all

Lord, the sky’s still blue
For my hope is in you
You’re my joy
You’re the dream that’s still alive
Like the wind at my back
And the sun on my face
You are life
You’re grace
You are blue skies
You’re my blue skies

When nights are long
Seems the dark has no end
Still we walk on in light of the truth
For waiting beyond
Where the morning begins
Is the dawn, and your mercy anew
Oh, to believe we’re alive in your love
There is so much to see
If we keep looking up

You fill the heavens with hope and a higher love
A picture, a promise for life

- Point of Grace

Guilty

I just got back to my computer after a seminar and read the Schapelle Corby verdict. I feel so sorry for her. It's a tough issue, though. I don't really know what to think. On the one hand, we should respect the justice systems of other countries, or at least be more consistent in our outrage. On the other hand, it does seem so unjust.

I guess we just have to pray that God will give her the strength to endure whatever lies ahead, and have faith that God is in control and can work good from any situation. After all, she may not have become a Christian if not for this ordeal.

More thoughts soon...

Is your cup half-full or completely full?

I like this quote from Karen's blog. It captures how I feel lately.

“When I wake up in the morning, my ‘cup’ is about three-quarters full. I still might feel down occasionally or have a bad day but I've got room to cope with things that might upset me. But when you wake up in the morning, your cup is already full—full of all these things you've had to carry for a long time. So when things happen, your cup overflows. Of course you're going to feel overwhelmed and of course you're going to find things upsetting.”

(Women's chaplain to Moore College student last Tuesday over coffee and chai tea.)

My Heart is Filled with Thankfulness

My heart is filled with thankfulness to him who bore my pain
Who plumbed the depths of my disgrace and gave me life again
Who crushed my curse of sinfulness and clothed me in his light
And wrote his law of righteousness with power upon my heart.

My heart is filled with thankfulness to him who walks beside
Who floods my weaknesses and strengths and causes fear to fly
Whose every promise is enough for every step I take
Sustaining me with arms of love and crowning me with grace.

My heart is filled with thankfulness to him who reigns above
Whose wisdom is my perfect peace, whose every thought is love
For every day I have on earth is given by the King
So I will give my life, my all, to love and follow him.

- Stuart Townend and Keith Getty

Never Alone

I waited for you today
But you didn't show
No no no
I needed You today
So where did You go?
You told me to call
Said You'd be there
And though I haven't seen You
Are You still there?

I cried out with no reply
And I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I'm never alone

And though I cannot see You
And I can't explain why
Such a deep, deep reassurance
You've placed in my life

We cannot separate
'Cause You're part of me
And though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen

- Barlow Girl

Head Over Feet

I heard this Alanis Morisette song on the radio last night. It used to be one of my favourite songs. Somehow, it seemed to capture what it was I hoped to one day find in a relationship.

I had no choice but to hear you
You stated your case time and again
I thought about it

You treat me like I'm a princess
I'm not used to liking that
You ask how my day was

You've already won me over in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it, it's all your fault

Your love is thick and it swallowed me whole
You're so much braver than I gave you credit for
That's not lip service

You are the bearer of unconditional things
You held your breath and the door for me
Thanks for your patience

You're the best listener that I've ever met
You're my best friend
Best friend with benefits
What took me so long

I've never felt this healthy before
I've never wanted something rational
I am aware now, I am aware now

You've already won me over in spite of me
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it, it's all your fault

Inconceivable!

I actually achieved my aim for today (in terms of my PhD work). In spite of much distraction and procrastination (that 1824 forum is addictive...) I have a draft of my first chapter. I've still got a lot of work to do on it, but it's a draft that makes some kind of sense! Hurray! And if I can achieve the rest of my daily aims this week, I'll actually be able to submit it to my supervisor on Friday! That's incredible!

Retail therapy #2

I like buying books. Books make me happy. My psychologist tells me I need to schedule more pleasant activities outside the house. Buying books is a pleasant activity. Buying books takes place outside my house. Does that mean I have official sanction from a medical professional to buy more books? Hurrah!

What's in a name?

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other word would smell as sweet."

--From Romeo and Juliet (II, ii, 1-2)

It's a good quote, but names do seem to represent things in some meaningful way. If we decided to change 'rose' to 'gumbellin' (to pick something totally random), surely it wouldn't seem as romantic. "A dozen gumbellins for my love." It's just not the same.

Names seem even more connected to people. Who am I? I'm Larissa. (Or online or sometimes in real life, I'm Lara). That's who I am. Well, it's not all of me, but it represents me in some way. And the name 'Larissa' means 'hilarious' or 'playful' which is, of course, absolutely true. My jokes are indeed very funny. Just ask anyone who knows me in real life - I'm sure they'll agree!

My father's family has had a rather interesting tradition of referring to themselves by their middle names. For example, my grandma's name was Olive Grace, but she was always called Grace, never Olive. My uncle Norman Jack is always Jack, and my aunt Eileen Jean is always called Jean. And my dad is Frank. I can always recognise telemarketers because they ask for Arthur!

Cats have three names. The first poem in T.S. Eliot's Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats is about 'The Naming of Cats'. I'm going to put the whole thing here, because Eliot is my favourite poem and I like inflicting... er, sorry, sharing his poetry with others!

Oh ok, I'll give in. I'll put the first and last stanzas here, and a link to the whole poem here, but only because there are funky cats on this page!

The naming of cats is a difficult matter,
It isn't just one of your holiday games;
You may think at first I'm mad as a hatter
When I tell you a cat must have three
different names.
...
When you notice a cat in profound meditation,
The reason, I tell you, is always the same:
His mind is engaged in rapt contemplation
Of the thought, of the thought,
of the thought of his name:
His ineffable effable
Effanineffable
Deep and inscrutable singular Name.

Now we can move on to consider yet another type of name - the name of a blog. My blog, in particular. I don't know if anyone has actually noticed the new name - "Talking to my sock" - but you'd better have a look now, because it will soon be changed back to the original "Talking to myself". The reason for the change was that my brother misheard me when I told him the name, thinking that I'd actually said "my sock" instead of "myself". You can read his thoughts on the matter here. I still don't see how he won anything. I don't think it's a better or more appropriate name, and I certainly intend to change back. I've never talked to my sock in my life, but I do talk to myself, even if I don't always listen! Besides, the title of my blog was supposed to be a reference to my favourite Guns n' Roses song, Estranged:

When you're talking to yourself
And nobody's home

So, now you all know the story of my temporary blog name. It'll be back to normal soon.

Shortage of blog-time (and Lady Mondegreen)

Apologies to any faithful readers of this blog for the lack of new posts recently. Things have been rather crazy lately, and I'm actually trying to avoid procrastination at the moment (strange times indeed!) I hope to add some new posts soon.

Another thing: either people have stopped reading this blog, or you are all rather unobservant. Or maybe it's just not worth making a comment about. Anyway, has no one noticed the new title of this blog?! I was waiting to see if anyone noticed before I explained it. Oh well...

Three cheers for Tim!

I just have to tell everyone...

My brother Tim is the best brother in the whole world! Here's part of an email he sent me yesterday:

I was feeling really sorry for you the other day, because you’re going to Europe soon and you won’t have an iPod or digital camera – the two gadgets I consider the most important when travelling, after a laptop of course.

Anyway, I turned my mind to wondering how I could get, or help get, you one or both of those. I checked out my frequent flyer and credit card reward points, but they don’t go far enough. However, I know that Pepsi are currently running an iPod competition, so I bought and drank a bottle of Pepsi Max yesterday (I recommend you stick with Coke) and entered the competition today.

Would you believe that he actually won an iPod mini, and he's going to give it to me! And I get to pick the colour (blue of course).

Now, it's not only because of this that he's the best brother in the world. Though I might whinge about him occasionally, and we had our conflicts when we were growing up (still do, actually - *tickle* *slap!*), he really is fantastic and I love him very much. He's been a great encouragement to me in my faith and in my other 'intellectual pursuits', such as reading and buying lots of books. He's always been a caring brother - I remember one time in high school when I got home with an incredibly bad migraine. Tim was about to leave for work at Grace Bros, but he called to say he'd be a little late because he had to look after his sick little sister. He got me into bed, brought me some Nurofen and water, and a bucket in case I was sick. He really took care of me. And that's just one example.

I love you, Tim!! You're the best!

Expanding my blogosphere

I'm not an expert on things computer technological, but for some reason I decided to start this blog last year. I guess it was mainly as a tool of procrastination and distraction - something extremely important to every PhD student. It has been quite fun, though. I've never managed to keep up a journal very long, but sometimes I feel the need to vent frustration in words, or just express my thoughts. This way, no one is forced to listen/read email!

Anyway, one of the things I like about this whole concept of blogging is getting to know other people, or at least reading their ideas. Finding other blogs from links on blogs I do read, and having other people find mine is quite enjoyable. Having people comment on my posts is also exciting. And what is the most exciting thing of all is being listed on other people's blog rolls. For the first time, I've been listed on the blog roll of someone I don't know outside of cyberspace (thanks Matt!). To celebrate, I figured it was about time I put up a list of links to other blogs I read. You should be able to see these to the right, so you can all go and read lots of edgy and deeply philosophical cultural critique.

Hmm...

Oops, I fell down...

A few years back, Adrian, a guy from my church, moved to Bali to set up a Christian Surfers ministry. Things seem to be going quite well, and they are now building a drop-in centre for the young people in Bali. Nici, a girl from my church, has gone over there to help out for about 6 months. She was back in Australia a couple of weeks ago, and spoke at church about some of the things she'd been doing, including visiting Schapelle Corby. Nici said that Schapelle had made a commitment to Jesus, which is amazing news, and that she was leaning on God throughout her trial. Nici also said that she believes Schapelle is innocent, something she believes God revealed to her. Nici also believes that God will bring Schapelle home.

This is quite amazing stuff. I don't know for sure, but I also believe that Schapelle is innocent or that, at the very least, there's not enough evidence to find her guilty. It would be wonderful to see her set free from jail in Bali and return home. But I'm ashamed to admit, my first thought was, "What if she is found guilty?" What would happen to her faith, or to Nici's faith if that happened?

I realised that I don't seem to have much faith in God. I believe that God can do anything, but I'm reluctant to believe he'll do anything in particular, just in case I'm disappointed. I'm not sure if this is an ok thing or a really bad thing. Can I have faith that God is in control, but still acknowledge that he might not choose to act in certain cases? Or maybe he is acting, but we don't know what his overall plan is. It's a tricky issue.

This is one of my favourite retro Christian songs:

I walk by faith
Each step by faith
To live by faith
I put my trust in you

Every step I take
Is a step of faith
No weapon formed against me
Shall prosper
And every prayer I make
Is a prayer of faith
For if our God is for us
Who can be against us?

I love the song, but I'm not sure it really describes my life. That is not a good thing.

Ugh.

This afternoon I went for a walk around the perimeter of the uni - down High St, along Anzac Pde, up Barker St, along Botany St and back down High St to my office. It's the second time I've done this walk. Both times were penance for eating chocolate.

I think I'm addicted to chocolate. I can't eat it in moderation - I have to go cold turkey. I can usually avoid buying chocolate, unless I've feeling particularly depressed, stressed, or low in blood sugar, but if it's in front of me, I eat it all. I love my friend Danielle, but why did she have to give me a chocolate Crunchie bunny as a (late) birthday/Easter present? Oh well. I think I've possibly turned myself off chocolate for awhile. Evil stuff.

...

I am feeling so exhausted and unproductive at the moment. Things were going really well for a time - I was working hard and getting lots of work done, but now I can't concentrate. Maybe I've worn myself out. I was getting frustrated with my first chapter, so I decided to take a break from that and start analysing my early primary sources, starting with Richard Hooker's Of the Laws of Ecclesiastical Polity (c. 1592). It was addressed "To them that seeke (as they tearme it) the reformation of Lawes, and orders Ecclesiasticall, in the Church of ENGLAND." Hooker is basically rejecting Puritan reformers, from what I've read so far (which is not much). I started reading a fascimile of an early edition, but I was finding the old English a bit hard to handle. Usually I can cope - I can deal with the 's's looking like 'f's, and some of the bizarre spelling, but when there's also 'u's instead of 'v's and vice versa, and 'i's instead of 'j's, plus even more bizarre spelling, it's rather difficult. Even an edition translated into modern English was difficult. I think Hooker has to be the most convoluted writer I've ever read. Imagine Yoda speaking in Old English and you'd be pretty close.

Today I've also been trying to read Paradise Lost for the CASE Christianity and Great Books course, but I haven't been going well with that either. I'm so tired and my eyes are all scratchy. Not much fun. I just want to go home and sleep.

...

I think I might stay home tomorrow. There's no point forcing myself to sit here for 10 hours if I'm not getting anything done. I'll just get even more tired and frustrated and slip back into my vicious cycle of stress and anxiety. That would not be a good thing at all.

...

Zzzzzzzzzzz...........

Books I read in April 2005

1. Ian McEwan, Enduring Love

2. Maeve Binchy, Circle of Friends

3. Maeve Binchy, Silver Wedding

4. Jodi Picoult, Vanishing Acts


I'm not doing so well with my reading lately. I'm guessing that's because I've actually been working quite hard - not taking as much time off. My weekends and evenings have also been very busy. I've been feeling more social than I have for a long time. This is all good, but it means I don't have much time to read for pleasure, which is rather sad. There are so many books I would like to read. That Ecclesiastes 12:12 verse (the favourite verse of HSC students, it seems) is so true - Of the making of books there is no end, and much study wearies the flesh.

I have so many books that I haven't read. I decided to attempt to read through them all, so that when people see my bookshelves and say "Wow, you've got a lot of books. Have you read them all?" I can say, "Why yes, as a matter of fact I have." Or I could take the Umberto Eco line: "Oh, these are just the ones I brought home to read over the weekend. The rest are in my office."

I started at the top shelf of the far left book case, working my way through in alphabetical order. I didn't get very far, though. I read two Maeve Binchy books, which were fine. Next came a book called The Sacred Art of Stealing by Christopher Brookmyre. It had more sex and swearing than I had realised when I bought it, so I didn't really feel like reading it. I'm now debating whether to release it into the wild, or try to sell it. After than was March, by Geraldine Brooks - a novel about the civil war experiences of the father from the March family in Little Women. I got a few pages in, but found the descriptions of the fighting a little too much to handle. For some reason I'm feeling a bit emotionally sensitive at the moment, and war has always disturbed me. So now I'm up to an Agatha Christie book. Nice easy reading. I think it's going to take me years to get through all my books. Guess I shouldn't buy any more.

Oops, I just bought five books from Koorong...

The great glittery polystyrene cheese adventure

Yesterday I had an experience I've never had at uni before - wandering around campus carrying a giant polystyrene cheese, which was painted yellow and covered in glitter.

My friend Joy (one of the lovely year 12 girls I had the privilege of leading in youth group last year) bought these two cheese from Reverse Garbage for some kind of theatre performance at uni. I gave her a lift to uni (forcing her to conform to my crazy habit of getting to uni by 8am) so she wouldn't have to carry them on the train and bus. I helpled her carry them from the Morven Brown building down to the Robert Webster building. Fortunately, there weren't too many people around! Unfortunately, the Webster building is a bit hard to navigate, and the theatre office was tricky to find. Actually, we didn't find it at all. We took the lift to the 3rd floor and startled a cleaner - she obviously though we were a little weird. No theatre office. Down to the second floor. Theatre office, but with a sign saying that the office is now on the third floor. Back up to the third floor. No sign of the theatre office at all. Spoke to another cleaner - 'no, the office is definitely on the second floor.' Back down to the second floor. Yes, that sign definitely says the office is on the third floor. But where on the third floor?! Finally, we got someone's attention inside the former theatre office, and we left the cheeses there.

Quite a crazy adventure. And we left a trail of glitter all around the Webster building. Tee hee.

I wonder how many other PhD students have carried giant glittery polystyrene cheeses around uni?